Basic Summer Style – Military Fashion 101 From A Professional Stylist
With Memorial Day right around the corner, it’s time to put away your scarves and long johns, and show off some skin. Whether you’re headed to Vegas to not remember the weekend, or sipping by the lake, be the most stylish guy in view, and stay that way throughout the summer.
If you own cargo shorts, please take the following steps:
- Find said pair(s)
- Grab a lighter
- Burn them. Immediately.
Harsh? Fashion takes no prisoners. If you really need that many pockets, a man purse is necessary, and that will end with you in the corner by yourself. Why would you want to look like a balloon and carry your entire life around? Now you’re thinking “Crap, I have 20 pairs of cargo shorts, and that’s going to be a pretty damn big fire.” Maybe warn your neighbors ahead of time.
Now, on to what you should be wearing. Shorts are simple, keep them a little bit above the knee, buy multiple colors, and go outside of your comfort zone. Please do not keep your shorts to just khaki and navy, believe it or not, there are way more colors out there. Summer is not for dark colors, get into the pastels and bright (not neon) colors. If you’re feeling a little frisky, there are 7 inch shorts out there that will show off the ThighMaster exercises you’ve been working so hard on.
Also, with shorts and swim trunks, if the crotch area leaves little to the imagination, just save them for your Chip N Dale audition.
If you own a bro tank with “I flexed and the sleeves fell off” do me and everyone else a favor and take the same steps listed above for cargo shorts. Unless you’re 18 and on spring break in PCB, any type of phrase on your tank is not acceptable, believe it or not, this includes “Come at me Bro”, “Sun’s Out Guns Out”, and anything that has to do with making a sandwich. Keep it simple with solids, stripes, and patterns, no words.
“Florals are for middle aged women with weight problems” Karl Lagerfeld
Ignore what Mr. Lagerfeld has to say, florals are so in right now. Getting a girls attention is simple, be daring with what you wear, and no, I’m not talking about socks with sandals on. Don’t be like every other guy, so many guys are too afraid of giving off the wrong aura, and they stay with what they know. Short sleeve button ups, casual Ts, and swim trunks are all the ideal fit for florals this summer.
Flip Flops. Just the name itself makes me cringe, I have a massive dislike for flip flops. If you want your shoe game on point, you will not have one pair of flip flops in your shoe closet. Reasoning: nobody wants to hear you coming from a mile away or see your hairy feet (OK, unless you have a foot fetish and that is just creepy). They’re disgusting, and it’s the 21st century, you have so many options. Boat shoes, perfect for summer. Loafers, perfect for summer. Flip flops, not perfect for summer. Going to the pool or beach? Boat shoes should be your go to. Only no show socks with boat shoes and loafers. We covered this last time, and I’ll reiterate it, no crocks or tennis shoes when going out please.
Couple of notes to leave you on:
I challenge each of you to buy a pair of light colored denim or chinos, it’ll change your summer fashion world around, and more than likely up your Tinder dates as well, or is 3nder what the cool kids use these days…either way, you get what I’m saying.
If you’re still wearing your cargo shorts, tennis shoes, and white Nike socks out, the babes who are not talking to you (aka every girl) are not too intimidated to talk to you, they’re terrified of you, and not in a good way.
Please remember to wear sun block, no girl wants to see your farmer’s tan and flaking skin (or have those flakes on them for that matter).